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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

withdrawal continues

body aches several days now
multiple bms (although lessening overall)
morning nausea
waking up in the night (ok that's been happening for years)
unsteady on my feet (several recent spectacular falls with bruising and small bloodletting)
really having trouble focussing compared to what I know I have been capable of
more memory issues
pondering suicide by lightning (aka dying by choice in a way that no one feels guilty about afterwards and can say "It was just a terrible accident"

How do others stay motivated? What keeps people going? Are there really people in this world who feel ok most days? Are there people who sleep well?

I'm trying to gather evidence that I am not just not trying hard enough, that I do have real barriers against functioning. It's hard to believe and yet not.

Easy to cry  - comme toujours (I am Canadian after all).



  1. What I have to do to not get overwhelmed or not do in my day to not get overwhelmed. Kelly that is my question to myself everyday. ughhh I really have to keep my day as simple as I can, sometimes I feel really guilty I don't think I am capable of work besides art. It's just too much stress on my emotional health. But I don't think it's about not trying hard enough for you or me.

  2. I think for most of us who suffer with PTSD and depression, we try harder than most people. I stay motivated by trying to live in the present moment, trying not to worry about what the future holds, and not allowing my past to own me. I do not want what happened to me in the past to win. We are fighters, and i know you can do this!