not doing much, did reconnect with my psychologist, which was a relief to detox some of my most recent self-inflictions. Was quite spent upon my return home from the eastern adventures. Dreams continue to be vibrant and enticing. I wish I had a way to record them audio visually, I think it would be quite interesting. There is a great deal of art, sci-fi entwined with people from my past and present, situations reminiscent of past and permeation of anxiety. I hope to continue ith massage and neuropsych soon.
can't think of anyone I want to talk to, the guilt of talking when it's all down is too much most of the time, but I need to talk so I'll talk to myself, hopefully without too much harsh judgment, I'm fucking tired of being tired, I hate being unhappy, I'm full of hate, I feel hatred when i hear people talk about focusing on the positive, what's the point when i have no sincere enjoyment of fucking anything? I'm sick of it all, tired, tired.
my dreams are fricking amazing and all i want to do is stay in them, that to me is dangerous and completely unrealistic cause if I was dead I don't think I would be dreaming anymore. I think tho that I am trying to dream harder and harder and to stay there, when I reach this deep sleep and am awakened mostly what I feel is resentment and disappointment.