So discouraged and tired of feeling this way. disconnected feeling so alone full of poison rotting pointless, wondering all those usual fucking stupid existential questions.
don't feel i can talk to anyone, i think the new meds have helped but when i spiral down like this it's scary for me and i hurt. surrounded by sadness, loneliness, injustice i have no filters. and no outlet i feel able to use, trying to eat better, exercise more and i am but again, when the spiral grasps me in it's cruel claws, i can only hold on and i guess do this until it lets me go.
why give me the obsession to help others then make me suck at it, that's cruel too. i'm here, why not help me use whatever skills and passions I have in good ways. too many times late for this fucking dance. wasting, but still with a large waist. fuck indeed
christmas past - it's a few weeks yet 'til christmas, but we are putting up the tree tonight. this is unplanned, but the tree is in the yard, up against the house, and why ...
1 month ago