Search This Blog

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Please don't thank me for my service.

Whine time.

Another remembrance day come and gone. People saying thank you for your service. Some kindness is nice, always. Yet I begin to understand when I had heard/read other vets saying they don't feel comfortable about being told"thank you" and I was feeling that yesterday and today. Hence crabby.

I think what  would help me more is someone calling me and asking how I am and further being willing to hear the ugliness that ensues. Because I do not feel very proud of the mistakes I have made and while I can say there were times i did feel I actually helped people, most of the time I felt a failure, thus I cannot authentically accept the thank you(s). I sent my family a link to an article written by a combat vet, different from me, but one which resonated. In retrospect, that feels like a mistake as I could see it being a request for the ever reviled "attention".

I feel alone, unworthy, angry, abandoned, ashamed, cowardly, ad nauseum.

If you care, just call and just be willing to listen. There is NOTHING anyone can say to me. Yet, a willing ear, that would be a gift.