Dread

I am struggling more and more too much going on not enough release and grounding. Suicidal thoughts daily, still no clear plan,mostly fantasizing methods,no actions towards any of these. A slow dread has been stalking and escapsulating me for months ow. There has been death in the past couple years, a family member,a friend and other upheavals. Feeling like just letting go of
Life not really sleeping well, never have of course. Once in awhile I get a chunk of solid hour or,aye even two. But that's it so tired a great del.feelingvulnerable, bitey (the word popped into my head). When in doubt just ake upward. I think a lot has to south how strong iwasfeelingandhowexcited, atoned I was to take some steps toward my phd and even had a skype interview witha prospective supervisor then I crashed. Hard.and i dont think I have recovered yet. I haven't seen my therapist for awhile so i guess I,m due.