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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Some day asking for what I want will not lead to internal torture.

I just "caught" my company smoking in our house. I said "That's not good" and "Please don't smoke in the house". My husband said "Go to bed Kelly". Nice. I just spent an hour listening to entirely inappropriate jokes, did not laugh (they weren't funny) and now for some reason it's ok for him to smoke in my house. Doesn't matter that I've asked my husband not to, I thought it was a reasonable assumption that he would respect my wishes.

So they're all mad and I am no doubt the bitch - sometime  i just fucking hate the entitlement of men. I said "There is a great big yard outside for you to smoke in". So now, the part I really hate, the part where I buy into the "I'm a bitch".

I feel like I am three and I just disagreed with my angry dad. I feel afraid, I feel unjust. And I didn't do anything wrong.

Fuck I wish I was more assertive. This is small small shit and I feel devastated. This is the kind of shit that sends me reeling into bad scary trap-laden places.

1 comment:

  1. Kelly I understand the buying into the I'm the bitch when your not and feeling like child again. You didn't do anything wrong then or now, someone crossed boundaries your boundaries. I think, I'm working through a lot of figuring out stuff like this in my own life . I can relate a lot to whats going on in the present with other people and yes scary trap- laden places.