up too early, exhausted. ate too much before bed. cried a ton yesterday. there is a threat against my dog, he doesn't know what's going on. feeling like a failure.
Off my antidepressants, tired of the many side affects and I was still depressed. what a racket.
So I'm trying to resume the neurofeedback, to get grounded to feel desperate.
My companion suicide is louder and my resolve to keep alive dwindles I am not built to thrive in this world.
Stephen Fry advises people not to ask "Why?" when someone says they are depressed. Good, cause
I don't fucking know. And it's only my business. I wish I felt there was more people I could call and talk to but as is so often the case, when I mention depression or suicide, people start talking and stop listening. I understand they are afraid, I understand they want to help. Listening to someone talk about their depression is really hard. Being a really good listener is very hard.
So if you want to help, listen, listen as hard as you can.
That shows you care.
christmas past - it's a few weeks yet 'til christmas, but we are putting up the tree tonight. this is unplanned, but the tree is in the yard, up against the house, and why ...
1 month ago