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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

There is no thee

feeling bad, have been inconsistent with my effexor. Starting to crash I think. I've been so high with the promise of neuro feedback, the elusive hope, the eeg and loreta (brodman area mapping) that has finally given me the indisputable evidence that my brain has some abnormally low wattage! ha.

Akin to the xray of the broken arm, the subsequent epiphany "That's why my arm hurts.". My limbic system is hardwired in fight or flight. Hope has had me riding high. I'm gonna grow me some new neurons.

And now I feel really low, today in town it seemed everywhere I looked I saw beaten down women and I felt so angry and helpless, ghosts walking among us. So sad, heartbreaking, they were all once little, filled with promise, and instead they got beaten down, This world is so vicious, so cold.

I'm back to feeling really vulnerable all of a sudden. Really wanting to not be in this horrible place that holds nothing but hurt. There we go, the tears, I cry easily still, how can there be a god, who would believed there could be an all-powerful being - that is not doing - is this just some grand experiment, a bet somebeing has made?

I don't feel so well, I feel weakened. Too many people being hurt, and it's just getting worse.My soul would cry out to thee, but there is no thee is there?

There is no thee, and if there was, I would not place my trust in said thee because they are clearly using their omnipotence for evil.

It's us. It's just us and I fear we're all we've got and I'm pretty much out of faith in the mounting evidence of horror.

I have been rendered inert. And so have millions more, probably billions. Maybe there'll be a big asteroid.

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