..........things in my head that maybe should be asked to leave nicely...
Have you thought about writing your life experience in a book?I think it would be a fabulous story, first of all. I mean everything, your whole autobiography, all the trials and tribulations and, yes, the happy moments, too. What you have to offer is a unique perspective - PTSD is not uncommon, and yet you have the brains and talent to write about it, give other people insight into what it's like. Help others with PTSD feel like they're not alone. Plus, it might even be good for you. Give you a purpose.
I'm sorry that it was such a bad day, I pray that today is better. I am glad for your strength and bravery.
I did reply to you both but somehow lost it, thank you for reading and caring.
I find it amazing that you can write even that many words and feelings on a day like that. Way to fight through the darkenss, if only to tell someone where you were.