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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Magic of Blurting and Tilting Heads

Caught a cold - and I'm not that good a catch - ooh, so many levels of meaning! Rain and wind - foggy brain.

Got a call from a former co-patient at Homewood, had absolutely no memory of this person, which I'm pretty sure wasn't great for them. Felt very surreal. Oh,well. Blackouts without the hangover, yee-haw!

I used to drink a great deal, a young person in the military I guess. Now I get sick when I drink, likely because of the meds I am on, which has probably been a very good thing. I want to drink sometimes though, if it's a day where I happen to be feeling something, sometimes the lure of oblivion is pretty tempting. But I cope poorly in other ways so there's no danger of canonization! Esp as I'm not Catholic.

I think that that the human body can connect outside of any cognitive realm or awareness with other humans due to our electric and magnetic fields. I think that's why hugs are so wonderful. I think we all have the capacity to feel a physical and positive connection with each other, I think it has already happened millions of times all over the world and all through time. I think it is something that people who study these kinds of things can measure already. I think it's a large part of what informs our intuition, what sends flags up our personal masts.

I have met many amazing and talented and beautiful (inside [and out too]) people while at school - two women in particular. They are such deep thinkers and take their time and are patient and carefully reason with info that comes to them, their wisdom is inspiring and I want to be more like them. Much of my life when ever someone asked me a question my mind would just go blank - I realise now it was (and still is sometimes) a fear response. When I give myself time, or the situation allows for it, I have a better chance of arriving at something more intelligent to offer, sometimes I just blurt stuff out. That's when people's heads tilt in a quizzical fashion.

I watched "The Hurt Locker" last night. I just kept thinking, poor bastards , if the depiction was accurate (and it probably was except that the reality is likely far worse), it's just insanity, situations that are chaos, unreasonable, indescribable, soldiers returning home to a world they can no longer relate to. It so very tragic - which is a woefully inadequate word.


  1. Hey girl
    I'm enjoying following your words.
    Keep em coming.
    Love SR

  2. I'm too chicken to even watch the movie. I am such a visual learner that what I see can haunt me for years. I guess it is called avoidance--a necessary reaction for me to try to keep my world positive. Blinders maybe too! I tried to add a picture but no luck.....Dakota