Search This Blog

Saturday, February 11, 2017

waking up spent

So more of the same. Lying in bed, another day. Wishing just to give my life to someone who wants it.  Let me have their cancer, diabetes , their terminal illness, then they can live and there won't be 2 lives wasted. Kind people trying to cheer me up, waste of time as it falls off me. Feeling ashamed and guilty knowing there's people I care about suffering but they do not want to talk to me. They say I cause them to much stress, I'm  too self absorbed. They don't like that. They want me to be their automaton, do what they say, stay quiet, they say I insert myself. Doesn't everyone want to feel included? To feel they matter? They just seem to want me to stay invisible and silent, like when I was little. These are toxic relationships with people who have no idea, or Interest in seeing how toxic they are. Yet, I need to focus on what I can do to help myself, all of do. If we don't care for ourselves first we have nothing left to give others. I don't have much left. I wake up spent. That's not good.

No comments:

Post a Comment