So instead of mindlessly playing game after game of spider, I thought I'd try writing instead, some stream of thought stuff, who knows what might happen? Put a call into Veteran's Affairs case worker, to see about the neurofeedback program, 2 days a week in Victoria for 5 or 10 weeks, not sure which. Essentially it looks like a shower cap gets put on my head with probes on it attached to my "Brain" (using the term loosely) and then to monitor my various emanations (hee hee) and see what happens as my various emotions alter, give rise, etc. Curious really, perhaps a cool art project will transpire. Who knows? Can't hurt, worst I can do is cry right?
Nothing like a little more shame and humiliation to put me in my place. See, I did some work for awhile with this particular clinic several years back, it's run by a former colleague, the one who did my initial assessments, who said that my IQ was 107 and that treated me "less than" (or at least it's how I felt, perhaps my imagination, d-uh, think so Kel?) because of what the test score said, guess I was no longer seen as a quasi-equal, guess I'm still pissed about that. Said IQ test consisted of one 2-sided paper. The 1st side was all definitions a la RD's "It pays to increase your word power", I sucked at this part. The 2nd side was all logic problems, like "what comes next in this series" and "peach is to apple as frog is to...". I got 2 of about 20 wrong. And upon seeming stymied by these confusing results (aka how could I suck at one and rock the other?) he dismissed my logic part as "good guesses" and pronounced me average. Oh well. I have a very large ego after all, probably could use some more down-to-earthiness reality checks. What being grounded really means. Ick.
Post from 2011 - Who am I if I'm not suicidal? What is life like? Where am I uncomfortable because I'm not suicidal? It feels anxiously flat, a nervous nothingness So I feel ...
8 months ago