why dress it up with adjectives
they get misused all the time anyway
we've maxed out our hyperbole
just listen to the news - we're crying out for new words
need another Latin
have we truly mined all that is Sanskrit yet?
surely we could give that a good belittling?
so many of us, all trying to be unique all trying to fit in
it's the crux: should I stay or go?
we're all AC
pushing pulling trapped
not sure there are better alternatives
not sure there are walls to this hole
just that it's dark (ah here they come, the tears) and scary and achingly lonely but I send people away, I don't reach out and don't want to don't want to hurt anyone else, don't want to spoil someone's nice day, just want a nice one for myself, just want to stop longing for end
no words for this
several actually,, but all inadequate to the cause, I think perhaps just screaming and wailing and moaning, pre-verbal, ante-verbal and then post-verbal, cycling, spiralling around words, because they've always fallen short. we want new words to speak, new accurate ways to describe our experience, yet we want to be understood
at least I do, I crave it, must speak in "I". I'm only one, in this sea of voices (someone else said this first) drowning, too distressed to see the ones next to /all around us, hold on, can we really save ourselves? Or is it through helping/holding onto others that I can get out of danger?
Sadly. the barrier is so dense, so obscured, so clever, so many steps ahead. And beside and behind. Surrounded by steps, mired in their midst.
Post from 2011 - Who am I if I'm not suicidal? What is life like? Where am I uncomfortable because I'm not suicidal? It feels anxiously flat, a nervous nothingness So I feel ...
10 months ago