stuff about earthquakes and stuff

been pretty angry last couple days, was trying to find words to describe how i was feeling that didn't involve the word volcano or boiling, or anything purply or metaphoric. sometimes it's hard to find the word(s) that really capture - er, me.
at times i think I'm addicted to therapy, shamefully self-indulgent, but I also think it is ok for me to be seeking nurturing.
I like that i have some empathy towards others, it's a good sense to have but sometimes it is overwhelming, I can barely stand to see other people and I can often pick up on their sadness, loneliness, desperation, or is it just my feelings bouncing off of them. it's hard to know, I feel confused and just plain rotten sometimes. with no clue what it's about .
i see that we are humans but we are also all electrical beings we all generate electrical fields, all living things do, even plants, it's just sometimes very tiny and hard to measure. I think this energy is what is behind when animals are reacting to stuff we haven't noticed: like building storms and earthquakes.my dog reacted to the earthquake the other night, me not so much.

i think we are all so dulled sense-wise, too much input, too inundated, I think a lot of us are just plain overloaded and any overloaded circuit cannot function as it was meant. Same for us human or animal types.

Settling my contents

had a good walk in the storm with a friend t'other day, good to be in the ions, it's links in with my own electromagnetic field and shakes me up and when the contents settle, I feel different.

My brilliant cousin was indeed correct in her sage advice.

So I listened to her. Everyone should. She is wise and kind and frickin' hilarious!

Laughing with, not at.

skin

I feel terrible, a slick skin I cannot crawl out of, or peel off, feeling low, ugly inside, poisonous, talentless, so lost, seeking my place and seeing everywhere nothing, despair stalks me, surrounds me chokes me off. my skin is starting to vibrate maybe with release. I haven't been talking much about my sadness, it's always there, my sidekick.in some miasmic comic book story.

sigh.

I'm not

up. dog got me up.
twice tonight.
saw the stars.
so many
one dove my way.
saying see me
nothing more
not a sign to keep on
not a sign to stop
waiting for a sign
but maybe I'll stop

tired of these mid-nights
so alone
not believing there can be more
still impressed with how less

glimpses tease
then torture
I was never crazy
it was all in my head
things look better
so I must be better
but
I'm not