need to talk and cry. Apple therapy. no one to talk to that it won't hurt, hate this trapped feeling. Just reading about Bruce Jenner and also about the honest obit a family wrote about their daughter who died of a heroin overdose. I wish we lived in a world that was honest but without cruelty, we can tell the truth with compassion, it's just harder to do, it takes work and practice too I guess. I haven't talked for a while, i did see a psychiatrist in YVR a few weeks back but it's limited although he is a caring person.I miss my old therapist.I would yell and scream and I think speak from as close to my true self as possible. Draining but healing, like draining an abscess I imagine.
Tears on my keyboard, good but could fry the whole unit, oh well.
Many dreams of late, new med and new , higher dosage, better than effexor for sure. The dreams are very vibrant again, some are disturbing as well, some are so beautiful in the colours and fabrics and actions and forms of life that abound.
Sent a risky email to someone I love, probably will cause her some tears, I hope it is helpful.
Damn my sketchy editing.
Overall I am better, suicide is a much less frequent visitor, so thank you meds.
Chipping away at artwork. Burning bridges. People don't expect the truth and I need more practice telling it. To myself as well.
Please world be a kinder place. It would be really wonderful if kindness would spring out of a desire for it rather than be an afterthought inspired by the risky and life-threatening - or fatal - acts of others.
Post from 2011 - Who am I if I'm not suicidal? What is life like? Where am I uncomfortable because I'm not suicidal? It feels anxiously flat, a nervous nothingness So I feel ...
8 months ago